Despite all my protests against it, the FBI has assigned two newbies to accompany me on Mission Frankenfind. They cite their reasons as being my small stature, lack of opposable thumbs, and unfortunate reliance on a human to wind me up for the day, but I know the truth. They are afraid that, if I succeed (oh, and I will succeed) in finding the creature, the public may not be ready for the media reports of a penguin agent. I disagree—after all, look how well the public responded to the knighting of Sir Nils Olav.
Typical of new recruits these days (the bureau is quite desperate), these two newbies, which I will henceforth refer to as “the humans,” are a disaster. Rather than go over the case files and develop a plan of action, these two dimwits chose to sleep and watch free movies through the entire red eye from New York to Geneva. I don’t think they care about this mission, or take me seriously as a leader. Despite my warnings that flying economy makes me cranky, rather than my usual first class accommodations the girl human shoved me in the magazine/barf bag sleeve, and repeatedly knocked me in the head when she lowered her tray table.
She also insists on carrying me in the front pocket of her backpack, where my superb observational skills are useless to this mission. Both of them threatened to leave me at the airport when, after their US passports raised not an eye, the customs officials took me in for questioning, asking why a penguin has a Taiwanese passport. The girl human talks of nothing but chocolate and cheese, and the boy human stares down each restaurant in Geneva as though he hasn’t eaten in a week. Though neither will even hear of sushi for dinner. Plus, I caught them conspiring together while I was attempting to brief them on the case—sneaking peeks at a museum list behind my back and whispering about how a creature made of the dead should remain lost. I may be made of plastic, and a bird, but I’m wise to these fools. They think the bureau has handed them an all expenses paid vacation with the small catch of having to humor the penguin on his quest. I’m on to you humans! I will find the monster with or without you! The next time their backs are turned, no doubt shoveling down their next gluttonous conquest, I will sneak away, find the monster, and return to the US with all the glory. These two will be exposed for what they really are—chocolate and cheese covered tourists.
Til tomorrow,
Parrington
No comments:
Post a Comment